Umbuzo obalulekileyo wonke umntu kunye nesibini esijamelana naso kukuba kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba ubelane ngesondo xa uthandana. Ukwabelana ngesondo ngamava amnandi kakhulu, kodwa kunokubangela iintlungu ezininzi. Ubudlelwane bobuchwephesha Aline P. Zoldbrod, Ph.D., okanye 'uGqr. Z. ' njengoko esaziwa njalo, uthi ukuba ufuna ukwanelisa imvakalelo ngokwabelana ngesondo ngaphakathi kubudlelwane, zininzi izinto ekufuneka uziqwalasele ngaphambi kokuba wabelane ngesondo. Ugqirha Z ngugqirha wezengqondo onelayisensi kunye nengcali yezesondo eqinisekisiweyo. Ungumbhali wencwadi, Ukwabelana ngesondo ngobuchule , kwaye unomsebenzi wangasese ngaphandle kweBoston, MA.
Ingozi ngokweemvakalelo zokuba ulale ngesondo kwangoko
Nangona amajelo eendaba ahlala ebonisa ukuba ukuthandana kunye nokuthandana akunabungozi ngaphandle kokukhulelwa okanye isifo, kunokubakho iingozi ngokweemvakalelo. 'Ngandlela thile, kulula ukuba nengqondo evuthayo, isondo elinomdla nomntu ongamaziyo, utshilo uZoldbrod. 'Kodwa ukuba ulwabelana ngesondo olusondeleyo kunye nolwaneliseko olufunayo, oko kudla ngokuvela ngokulala nomntu omthembileyo, umntu onokuthetha naye; ngakumbi, umntu onokucela ukuba akuphathe ngendlela ethile okanye kwindawo ethile. Kucacile ukuba ubuncinci ikota yamadoda nabasetyhini eMelika bakhulele kwiintsapho apho bafunde ukuba akukhuselekanga ukuthembela kwabanye. Kwincwadi yam IsondoSmart, Ndithetha ngokwazi ukuthembela njengesixhobo esibalulekileyo ekubeni nakho ukuba neentlobano zesini ngokweemvakalelo nomnye umntu. '
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Ukwabelana ngesondo nomntu ongaqhelekanga
UGqirha Z ulumkisa ngokulalana nabantu ongabazi nyani. 'Xa usabelana ngesondo kwangoko kakhulu kwinkqubo yokuthandana, ulala nomntu ongamaziyo. Usengozini yokwenzakala ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba uvela kwimvelaphi apho sele ukhe wabona abanye ngokungathembeki kwaye ungenamdla kwaphela kwiimvakalelo zakho, ukuzama ukungabinanto okanye ukudanisa isondo kunokuqhubela phambili iimvakalelo zakho zokwahluka kwabanye, ukuba sesichengeni nokudakumba. '
Ubungozi ngokweemvakalelo kubafazi
'Abasetyhini kufuneka bathembeke malunga nento abayifunayo ebomini, hayi nje ngokuhlwanje, kodwa bejonge ezantsi endleleni iminyaka embalwa, utshilo uZoldbrod. 'Ukuba ungumfazi kwaye ufuna isondo esingaqhelekanga, kwiimeko ezininzi, awuyi kuba nangxaki ekukufumaneni. Kodwa umthetho wam kubaxhasi bam ababhinqileyo kukukhumbula ukuba ayisiyonto efuna ukulala nawe ngokuhlwanje, imalunga nokuba ngubani ofuna ukujongana nawe, ixesha elide. Kunzima ukuba ngumfazi kule mihla. Uninzi lwethu lunexesha apho siziva singenamtsalane. Nangona kunjalo, njengokuba bekhula, bedlula kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo kwanakwiikholeji, uninzi lwabasetyhini ababekhe baziva bengathandeki ngaphambili ekugqibeleni bazivelela, kodwa kukho ingozi kolu tando lutsha. '
Uvuyo loMdlalo
Ugqirha Z uthi abantu basetyhini abaninzi banxila ngamandla abo esini phezu kwamadoda. 'Kodwa ekupheleni komdlalo, kuhlala kungabasetyhini abaphulukayo, utshilo uZoldbrod. Kuyahlekisa kwaye kuyathandeka ukunxiba kwaye uphume edolophini ubukele abafana behla ezinyaweni zakho. Kuyamangalisa kwaye phantse kube ngumlutha ukufikelela kwiVenus yakho yangaphakathi, uthixokazi wothando. Abafana bayabonwa, kwaye ukuba ujongeka ulungile, banokuba putty ezandleni zakho. Nangona kunjalo, ekupheleni kobusuku, ukuba 'uwele kumgibe wakho,' uyamfumana, 'ulala naye, emva koko uphathwe kakubi kwaye ulahlwe, awuphumelelanga, ulahlekile.'
Khusela impilo yakho ngokweemvakalelo
Ukuziqhelanisa kwam kugcwele abafazi ababalaseleyo abenza ukhetho olubi ngokwesini xa bethandana, utshilo uZoldbrod. 'Kwabasetyhini abafuna ubudlelwane beemvakalelo, obuzinikeleyo, kuyingozi kwimpilo yakho yengqondo ukuba namava amaninzi apho ukhe wasetyenziswa ngokwesondo. Kukwenza ubukrakra emadodeni, kwaye ubukrakra bakho bubonakala xa uthetha. Inokucima umntu ozayo, umntu okuthandayo ngenene ngobuntu bakho kwaye unokufuna ukusondelelana kwayeubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo. '
Ubungozi ngokweemvakalelo baMadoda
Ugqirha Z uthe amadoda ayonzakala ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye 'kuyothusa kakhulu emadodeni ukusukela oko besiya ekubalekeni ngokwesini becinga ukuba ayikho into efana nesondo elibi. Kodwa kukho abafazi abaziziyatha nabangenantsingiselo phaya, kwaye banokuthetha izinto ezimbi-malunga neyakhongokomzimba, ukuhlala kwakho, ubiza igama lakho, kwaye awuyi kukulibala oko bakuthethileyo. Kwakhona, eyamadodaAmandla e-erectilengabona basesichengeni sokuhlaselwa ngokwengqondo kunokuba uninzi lwamadoda lucinga. Ke, ukuba udibana nomntu okhohlakeleyo, onxilileyo, okanye ongafundanga kakhulu okanye obhinqileyo (nokuba ushushu kangakanani), unamandla okuthetha into eza kukunika ukungazithembi ngokwesondo ukuya phambili.
Amava amabi eSondo
Amava amabi ngokwesini kubudlelwane obudlulileyo anokuchaphazela ubudlelwane bexesha elizayo, utshilo uGqirha Z. ' Imvakalelo malunga nokuba umntu uyathandeka, ubuchule ngokwesondo, okanye ubhenela ngokwesondo ngumba ophambili wokuzithemba. Ndivile ngaphezu kwesabelo sam samabali ngamava amabi ngokwesondo, lawo enza umonakalo ongapheliyo. Abantu bathambekele ekucingeni ukuba amanyathelo abaluleke ngaphezu kwamagama, kodwa izimvo ezikhohlakeleyo malunga nokuqina komntu ngokwesondo okanye malunga namalungu omzimba okanye imilo zinamathele ezingqondweni zabantu, ngokunokwenzeka ngonaphakade, kudala ukungakhuseleki kubudlelwane bezesondo kwixa elizayo. Ukuba ubaleka kwiqabane eligxeka ngokukhohlisayo, umzekelo, ukumila kwamabele akho, uhlobo lokukhuthaza olifunayo, ubude bepenis yakho, njl njl, nceda ubaleke ngenye indlela. Ngendlela, ezi ntlobo zamava amabi ngokwesondo zinokunyangwa kwaye zihlala zinyangwa. Indlela yonyango ebizwa ngokuba yi-EMDR iluncedo apha. '
Ukuqonda amava amabi
'Ndifumanise ukuba abantu bayawaqonda amava amabi ezesondo, kodwa kukho abantu abanamava amabi ngokwesini kwaye bafumanisa ukuba abanakuyeka le ndlela yokuzilimaza, utshilo uZoldbrod. 'Ndifumanise ukuba kukho abantu abanyanzela ukuba basebenzise isondo njengendlela yokuzama ukufumana uthando, okanye njengesixhobo sokusebenza kolunye ungquzulwano.' Ugqirha Z uthe makathathe oku kulandelayo njengeempawu ezimbalwa zamava amabi ngokwesondo:
- Umntu ukuphatha njengento.
- Uziva udandathekile emva koko.
- Uziva malunga nokuba usandula ukufumana i-STD okanye i-AIDS.
- Uziva uneentloni okanye uyazisola
- Ugcina ubungakanani bezenzo zakho zesondo kubahlobo bakho kunye nosapho.
- Uziva uthotyiwe yinto oyenzileyo okanye indlela ophathwe ngayo.
- Ubufuna ukuthi hayi kuyo nayiphi na into yamava kodwa khange uyenze.
Ukwabelana ngesondo okanye uthando olukhulu?
Ukuqwalaselwa xa uthatha isigqibo sokuba ulinde ixesha elingakanani ukulala nomntu kukuba ukulala nomntu ngokukhawuleza kunokudida nokuba ujongene nesondo esikhulu okanye uthandana. 'Ukwabelana ngesondo kudibanisa iingqondo zethu,' utshilo uZoldbrod. 'Ibhafu yeekhemikhali ubuchopho bethu bufakwe ngaphakathi xa siziva ngathi inkanuko ibonakala ivala iinkqubo zethu zokucinga. Inkanuko ngokuqinisekileyo iziva ngathi luthando. Isixa esikhulu se-oxytocin esikhutshwe ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo kwabasetyhini kubonakala ngathi sibangela ukuba abasetyhini bazibophezele ngakumbi kwaye bazibandakanye nobunzima obukhulu xa ubudlelwane buqhubele phambili ukuya kwinqanaba lesini.
Ngaba Abantu Balinda Ixesha Elide Kangakanani?
UZoldbrod ulumkisa ngokuchasene nokwabelana ngesondo ngokukhawuleza kuba iimvakalelo ezinokubangela zinokulingisa uthando. Uthando lwakhiwe kumadangatye okunyamezela amaxesha okuzama kunye. Ke, zama ukungazibandakanyi nesondo ngaphambi kwexesha, kwaye ulinde kwaye ubone. Amahla ndinyuka obomi athembekile kangangokuba uza kubona kungekudala ukuba iqabane lakho likukhathalele kangakanani. ' Ngoku ka uqikelelo , izibini ezininzi zilinda umndilili wesibhozoimihlangaphambi kokuba basondelelane.
Indlela yokujongana noxinzelelo xa ungekakulungeli
UGqirha Z unengcebiso kwabo baziva benoxinzelelo kumaqabane abo ukuba babelane ngesondo xa bengakulungelanga. ' Yiba nexesha elide lokuthetha nabo malunga nokuba uthetha ukuthini ngesondo nawe. Thetha malunga nokuba kuthetha ntoni kuwe. Yintoni oya kuyidinga ukuba nayo, kwindawo yokuqinisekisa, ukuba ufuna ukulala nabo? Ukuba emva koko, awungekhe uze kwintlanganiso yeengqondo, unokufumana uncedo lwangaphandle, ngakumbi ukuba ukrokrela ukuba awunangqondo okanye unothintelo. Kodwa ukuba uziva ngathi ayingomdlalo, kwaye awushukumi kwindawo yakho yokujonga, emva kokoziphose emvakwaye uqhubeke nokuloba. '
Sele ulungele?
Yeyiphi indlela ebalaseleyo yokuba abantu abatshatileyo baqonde ukuba bakulungele ngokwabelana ngesondo ngokweemvakalelo? Ugqirha Z uthi kuyaxhomekeka. ' Ngokuqinisekileyo, qiniseka ukuba uyalingana nobumnandi xa kuthelekiswa nobukhulu bobudlelwane obuzayo. Kwaye ukuba uzimisele ngekamva, yehlisa isantya kwaye uqokelele idatha malunga naloo mntu-amaxabiso abo, izimvo zabo malunga nobomi bexesha elizayo ekufuneka ujongeke, njl. Ukuthatha ukuba banomdla kubudlelwane obukhulu, emva koko kunye nengxoxo malungaukulawula inzalakunye nembali yezonyango, uGqr Z uthi kufuneka baqwalasele oku kulandelayo:
- Kufuneka uyazi ukuba bangobani abathi bangabo.
- Kuya kufuneka wazi okuninzi malunga nabo kunye neentsapho zabo.
- Kuya kufuneka uzive ukuba lo mntu 'ufumana' ukuba ungubani kwaye uyazi ukuba ucinga njani kwaye uziva njani malunga noluhlu lwezihloko ezibalulekileyo. Oku kuvela ekuchitheni ixesha elaneleyo lokungabelani ngesondo kunye kwincoko kunye.
- Kuya kufuneka uzive ukuba nobabini banezinto ezibalulekileyo enifana ngazo ngaphandle komtsalane wesini.
- Qonda ukuba yeyiphi indima ekwabelana ngesondo ngayo kwimeko yonke yobudlelwane bakho.
- Kuya kufuneka niqonde kwaye nivume kunye ukuba ingaba oku kuyakuba kukutshata kunye okanye hayi.
- Kuya kufuneka uzive usondele ngokwaneleyo ngokwasemphefumlweni nabo ukuze uthethe ngento oyithandayo nongayithandiyo ngokwesondo.
Ufanele Ulinde Ixesha Elide Kangakanani?
Xa uzama ukufumanisa ukuba kufuneka ulinde ixesha elingakanani ngaphambi kokuba ubelane ngesondo xa uthandana, ingcebiso kaGqirha Z iyakukunceda ubone ukuba yeyiphi eyona ilungele wena nobudlelwane bakho. Ngolwazi oluthe kratya malunga noGqirha Z, ukufunda okungakumbi malunga neencwadi zakhe okanye ukufumana iinkcukacha zonxibelelwano, ndwendwela SexSmart.com .
