Ukuphulukana nomzali kunokudala iimvakalelo ezintsonkothileyo kunye neengcinga zokuvela njengoko ubudlelwane bomzali nomntwana, nokuba ungakanani na ubudala, bunamathele ngokunzulu kumaxabiso asezantsi okuncamathisela anokuchaphazela iimvakalelo zakho zokhuseleko, ukuthembela kunye nozinzo. Njengoko uqhubeka nenkqubo yokulila, gcinani engqondweni ukuba unokufumana okanye ungabi nakho konke Inqanaba lentlungu , kwaye babe ngolandelelwano olulodwa.
Ukothuka ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokuKhanyelwa emva koMzali oswelekileyo
Xa uqala ukufunda malunga nokusweleka komzali wakho, ingqondo nomzimba wakho kungahamba ngexesha lothuka ngokupheleleyo. Ngeli xesha ungaziva udidekile, uphazamisekile ngaphakathi, kwaye ukhanye ngokunzulu malunga noko kwenzekileyo. Ezi mvakalelo zothusayo yindlela yengqondo yakho yokukhusela ngeli xesha libi kakhulu. Umothuko wethutyana ukuvumela ukuba uqhubeke kwimowudi yokusinda njengoko uqala kancinci ukulungelelanisa okwenzekileyo. Ngenxa yokuba ubudlelwane bomzali nomntwana bungene nzulu kwiimvakalelo zokhuseleko nothando, oku kothuka kunokuba yinto engacacanga ehlala ixesha elide. Yazi ukuba le mpendulo ilungile ngokupheleleyo kwilahleko enentsingiselo.
Amanqaku afanelekileyo- Iingcamango zamatye aBantwana
- Iincwadi ngeNtlungu yomntwana oswelekileyo
- Amanyathelo e-9 okudala imeko yokuqonda
Ukujamelana Nokukhanyelwa
Ngexesha le nxalenyeinkqubo yokuba buhlungu, ukufundiswa kwengqondo kunokuba sisixhobo esiluncedo. Ukuqonda inkqubo yokulila ngokubanzi kunye neyantlukwano onokuyifumana ngenxa yokuphulukana nomzali wakho kunokuba ngumthombo omncinci wentuthuzelo kwaye ikuvumele ukuba ube nokuqonda okuncinci malunga nokuba yintoni onokuyifumana xa inkqubo yokulila iqhubeka isenzeka.
Ukuba neNkqubo yeNkxaso
Zikhumbuze ukuba le yinxalenye yenkqubo yokuba lusizi kwaye kuzakuthatha ixesha ukuba ubunyani bokusweleka bungene emhlabeni. Ukuphulukana nomzali ngamava ngokunzulu kwaye ungangena kwiimvakalelo zokungavumi iiveki ukuya kwiinyanga, kwaye eminye iminyaka. Le yenye yezona zinto zinzima ekuphulukaneni nolwalamano ukudibanisa ngokwengqondo. Unokuyithatha ifowuni ukuba ubatsalele umnxeba okanye ubathumele imiyalezo nje ngaphandle kwesiqhelo kwaye uzive unosizi olunzulu xa inyani yelahleko ivuka kwakhona. Zama ukuba nomntu omnye okanye ababini obathandayo onokubatsalela umnxeba ngamaxesha apho ufuna ukuthetha nomzali wakho ongasekhoyo. Oku kunokukunceda uzive ulilolo kwaye ungekho.
yintoni eyona candy bar ithandwayo
Ukuzilolonga
Qaphela ukuba ngeli xesha ingqondo yakho iqala ukucwangcisa kwakhona kwaye isebenze kule lahleko. Unokuziva unamandla kwaye ungaziva ungathathi nxaxheba kwizinto oqhele ukuzenza, kwaye kulungile. Ukuphulukana nomzali, nokuba unolwalamano olumangalisayo, ukungasebenzi kakuhle, okanye umntu owahlukanisiweyo kunzima kakhulu kwaye kunzima ukusongela intloko yakho. Ngexesha lamandla asezantsi, kunokuba luncedo ekusebenzeni ukuzilolonga komhlaba okunokunika isiqabu kwintlungu ohlangabezana nayo. Ukuzilolonga ukuphefumla kunye nokuziqhelanisa nengqondo ziindlela ezintle zokuhlala uqhagamshele kuwe, ngakumbi kuba olu hlobo lokulahleka lunokubangela ukungaziphathi kakuhle.
Umsindo kunye nokudubuleka ngokweemvakalelo
Ndizivaizihlandlo zomsindousizi, ukuziva unetyala, kunye namanye amava emvakalelo aqhelekile ngeli xesha. Nangona ungonwabanga kwaye uhlungu, ukuphuphuma kweemvakalelo kuyindlela yobuchopho bakho yokulungisa le lahleko. Ukuphulukana nomzali kunokuzisa iimvakalelo ezinzima kunye neengcinga ngawe, ubudlelwane bakho, kunye nekamva lakho ukuba linokubonakala linjani ngaphandle kwabo. Umzekelo:
- Ukuba ubunolwalamano olukhulu nomzali wakho, usenokujamelana nokuziva ulahliwe okanye uyinkedama ngabo kwaye unokufumana oku kubuhlungu ngendlela engathethekiyo.
- Abo banobudlelwane obunzima okanye obungekhoyo kunye nomzali wabo oswelekileyo banokuziva benetyala ngokungavisisani, okanye bangaze bajongane nabo, oko kungakhokelela kukuziva kunqongophele kakhulu malunga nokusweleka kwabo.
- Usenokufumana iingcinga ezimbi ngawe ezibangelwa lolu hlobo lwelahleko njengokuthi, 'Andithandwa' kwaye 'Wonke umntu uyandishiya.'
Ukujamelana neNqanaba loMsindo
Eli nqanaba kwinkqubo yokulila inokuba lelinye lamaxesha okuqala kuweamava, iimvakalelo ezingapheliyo. Ubunyani bokulahleka kwakho buya kuqala ukuseta ngaphezulu. Oku kunokuziva koyika, koyikisa, kwaye kungalunganga kwaphela. Nangona kunzima ukwenza njalo, eli lixesha lokuba ngokwenenevumela ukuqhubekeka ngendlela oziva ngayokwaye uqhagamshele kuwe. Ukungalisebenzisi ngokupheleleyo amava akho ngokweemvakalelo ngeli xesha kunokwandisa inkqubo yakho yokulila kunye nefuthe elibi kubomi bakho.
Yenza iiMantras eziluncedo
Fumana iindlela ezisempilweni zokuhambisa umsindo wakho ezingabandakanyi nantoni na enokunciphisa okanye icinezele amava akho eemvakalelo. Ukuzenzela imantra yakho kunokukunceda ngeli xesha lihlaselwe yimvakalelo. Imizekelo yeMantra ibandakanya:
- 'Kulungile ukuziva indlela endivakalelwa ngayo kwaye kulungile ukukhumbula umzali wam- ndinamandla kwaye ndiyazi ukuba oku kukhulu kweemvakalelo akusosigxina.'
- Ndiyabulela kakhulu ngexesha endinalo nomzali wam kwaye kulungile ukuba nomsindo ngokusweleka kwabo. '
- Ndisebenzela ukuyeka uvakalelo lwetyala endinalo.
Sebenza ngeenkolelo ezimbi
Cela umngeni kwiinkolelo ezingalunganga malunga nawe ezibangelwe yile lahleko. Thatha ixesha ubhale ngokukhululekileyo malunga neenkolelo ezizayo malunga nawe. Ukuba unamathele, qhubeka uzibuze ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukulahleka malunga nawe de uzive ngathi ubethe inkolelo yakho engalunganga. Umzekelo, umntu owenza lo msebenzi unokuhamba ngezi nkolelo zilandelayo:
- 'Ndilahlekelwe ngumama.' Ithetha ukuthini le nto ngawe?
- 'Ndindodwa.' Ithini na lento ngawe?
- 'Andinamntu.' Ithetha ukuthini le nto ngawe?
- 'Andithandeki.'
Ukucela umngeni kukuba andithandeki, chaza ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuthandwa. Chitha ixesha ucinga okanye ubhala malunga nokuba kutheni uthandeka (ngokuchaseneyo neenkolelo zakho ezingalunganga) esekwe kuphela kuwe njengomntu, hayi kumava angaphandle okanye kwiimeko.
umngcipheko wokufa kwingozi yemoto
Fumana uMcebisi weNtlungu okanye iQela leNkxaso
Nxibelelana neqela lenkxaso okanye umcebisi ukunceda ukuqhubekeka namaza omoya onokuba uhlangabezana nawo. Ngeli xesha, unokufumana iimpawu eziphakamileyo zoxinzelelo, uxinzelelo, iPTSD, kunye nokuphazamiseka okungafunekiyo. Gcina ukhumbula ukuba uncamathiselo lomzali nomntwana lubotshelelwe ngokusondeleyo kwidrive yakho yokungazi ukuze uphile. Ngaphandle kwabazali, iintsana azinakuphila, ke olu hlobo lwelahleko lunokukuhambisa kwingqondo yakho, nanjengomntu omkhulu. Kuba oku kungakhokelela kwiimpawu zempilo yengqondo ezingonwabisiyo, kubalulekile ukugcina umkhondo wentlalontle yakho kwaye ufikelele kuncedo ngokukhawuleza ukuba ubona ukwehla okukhulu kwimpilo yakho yengqondo.
Ikrisimesi yasimahla idlala iicawa ezincinci
Ukuxoxisana kunye nokufumana iNqanaba leNjongo
Ngeli xesha ungaziva iingcinga ezinzulu kunye nemibuzo malunga nobulungisa bento eyenzekileyo, kunye nokujonga iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokudibanisa le lahleko. Iimvakalelo zisenokubekwa ngaphakathi kwaye unokutshintsha phakathi kokuziva ulungile kunye nokufumana usizi olunzulu, ukulangazelela, kunye noxinzelelo. Unokuqala inkqubo yokubonakalisa ngokuzimeleyo, khumbula iinkumbulo ezikhethekileyo zakho kunye nomzali wakho kunye, kwaye uzame ukuqonda ukuba ubomi bakho buya kubonakala njani ngokuhamba phambili njengoko uhamba ngokudala inkqubo entsha. Unokuziva ngathi uqhubela phambili ngokubhekisele kule lahleko kwaye ngequbuliso uqhutywa yinto ekhumbuza umzali wakho. Oku kunokukhokelela ekubeni uzive uphelelwe ngamandla, ulahliwe, kwaye ulilolo.
Ungenelelo lweNqanaba lokuThetha ngeNtlungu
Ngexesha lothethathethwano okanye lokufumana inqanaba elinentsingiselo, lithuba elihle lokuba uqhubekeke neemvakalelo kunye neengcinga zakho ngendlela yangaphandle. Eli lixesha apho abanye abantu bekufumanisa kuluncedo ukuba babelane ngamava abo nabanye kwaye benze ungeniso lwejenali olunxulumene nosizi okanye iiprojekthi zobugcisa ezinceda ukukhulula uxinzelelo lweemvakalelo olwakhiwe. Ungaqwalasela:
- Ukuhlonipha iinkumbulo wena kunye nomzali wakho ekwabelaneni ngasese unokuziva ukhethekileyo, ngakumbi ngeli xesha lotshintsho xa usenza unxibelelwano olunentsingiselo kunye nokuqonda ngcono ubudlelwane bakho nomzali wakho ngendlela entsha. Unokwenza njalo ngokudala into yobugcisa kubo, utyale igadi kubo, wenze incwadi etyhidiweyo, kwaye ubhale iinkumbulo ozithandayo.
- Xa ukwinkqubo yokufuna intsingiselo, nokuba ubunobudlelwane obukhulu okanye obungekhoyo nomzali wakho, unokucinga malunga nolwalamano olukufundisileyo kunye nendlela onokuyisebenzisa ngayo ebomini bakho ngendlela eluncedo.
Yabelana Nabanye
Ukwabelana ngamava akho nabanye kunokukunceda ukhulule ezinye iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo osele uzenzile. Oku kunokwenziwa kwiqela elilahlekileyo lenkxaso yenkxalabo, kwingxoxo yeqela le-intanethi, kunye nomcebisi. Ukulungiswa kwangaphandle kunokwenza isifotho esikhulu xa kuziwa kukuziva ukhululekile ngokweemvakalelo. Ukwabelana ngamanye amaxesha akho asemngciphekweni nabanye kunokuthatha amandla eengcinga ezibi kunye neenkumbulo. Xa kuziwa kwilahleko yomzali, ukusebenza ngeemvakalelo zokuziva unetyala okanye ukungavali kubaluleke kakhulu ekuququzeleleni ukuphilisa.
Ukuhamba ngoxinzelelo lweNqanaba loSizi
Ngeli xesha, onokuthi uphinde uphinde uvakashele amaxesha ambalwa, okanye uhlale ixesha elide, unokuziva uxhalabile kakhulu, unamava oxinzelelo, kwaye uzive ukonganyelwe yilahleko. Ubunyani bento eyenzekileyo inokuba sele ihleli ngaphezulu, kwaye unokukufumanisa kunzima ukwazi ukuba ungazikhathalela njani. Ungaziva ungenamandla kwaye ungenathemba kwaye uzive ungafuni ukufikelela kwabanye okanye ukwenza isicwangciso ngekamva njengoko ukwenza njalo kunokubangela iingcinga ezinzulu ngakumbi malunga nokusweleka komzali wakho.
Ukujamelana neengcinga ezinzulu kunye neemvakalelo
Oku kunokuba lelinye lawona manqaku asezantsi kakhulu ohlangabezana nawo xa usentlungwini. Emva komothuko wokuqala ngexesha lokuqala lokujongana, kwenzeka into njengokuba inyani yokungabikho komzali wakho ibeka ngaphezulu. Ungaziva udiniwe njengoko inkqubo yokulila inokuziva ngathi iyaqhubeka kangangexesha elithile, ngelixa kwangaxeshanye ungaziva ulungele ukuba inkqubo iphele. Ngandlela thile, inkqubo yokulila ikugcina unxibelelana ngokusondeleyo nomzali wakho, kwaye xa sele ukulungele ukudlulela phambili, ungaziva usoyika ngokungasondeli kwimemori yabo. Ngeli xesha, ungaqwalasela:
- Ukufikelela kumcebisi ojolise ekuphulukaneni nomzali. Abantu abaninzi bafumanisa ukuba eli xesha lelinye lawona manqaku abuhlungu osizi. Ngale ndlela, kubalulekile ukuba uzityhale ukuba uqhubeke nokwenza le lahleko njengoko ungenzi njalo kunokukhokelela kwiingcinga ezingekho mpilweni kunye nokuziphatha okuza kuvela kamva. Ukuthetha nomcebisi kunokukunceda uzive uxhaswa ngeli xesha kwaye kungakunika indawo yokuqhubekeka neemvakalelo zakho ngendlela engagwebiyo kunye nekhuselekileyo.
- Ukushenxiswa kwentshukumo yamehlo kunye nokuLungiswa kwakhona ( I-EMDR Unyango lukhetho olulungileyo lokwenza unyango, kuba lujolise ekusebenzeni ngokweemvakalelo ezibi okanye iimvakalelo kunye neenkumbulo.
- Ijenali kunye nokusebenzisausizi lujolise kwiphephancwadiinokukunceda uqhubeke nokwenza le lahleko kwaye uhlale unxibelelana nomzimba wakho. Ngeli xesha, abanye abantu banokuhamba ngexesha lokuziva bengenantsholongwane kunye nokothuka kwakhona, ke kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqhubeka nokungena kunye nawe kwaye usebenze ngokuqhubekayo kwinto eyenzeka engqondweni nasemzimbeni wakho.
- Unyango olulinganayo lukhetho olukhulu lokuqhubekeka nelahleko yomzali, kwaye inokuba yimeko yonyango enamandla kwabo bangekho kwiofisi yokunyanga ngokuthetha.
Inqanaba lokwamkelwa kweNtlungu
Nangona ibizwa ngokuba sisigaba sokwamkelwa, kusenokubakho amaxesha okanye amaxesha xa ufumana amanqanaba axoxwe ngaphambili. Khumbula ukuba la manqanaba akanyanzelekanga ukuba alandelwe, unokuwafumana ngendlela eyahlukileyo, kwaye ungatsiba isigaba. Ngexesha lokwamkelwa, ingqondo yakho iqhubekile yaza yahlengahlengisa umbono wokuba umzali wakho akasekho kunye nawe ngokwasemzimbeni, kodwa unawe ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Uyilungisile le lahleko ngokwasengqondweni kwaye ubukhulu becala unokuziva useluxolweni ngakumbi ngengcinga yokuba umzali wakho engasekho kunye nawe. Ngeli xesha unga:
- Cinga ngakumbi ngexesha lakho kunye
- Khangela iindlela zokwenzababeke kwaye ubakhumbule
- Khumbula iinkumbulo ezikhethekileyo kunye nabo
Gcina ukhumbula ukuba iiholide ezinje ngoMama okanye uSuku lukaTata, kunye nayo nayiphi na enye iholide enxulumene nosapho inokubangela ukuba uphinde ube nosizi kwaye unokufumana elinye okanye ngaphezulu kwamanqanaba okulila kwakhona. Ukufumana iindlela ezizodwa zokubhiyozela kwaye ukhumbule wena mzali kwezi ntsuku zinzima kunokukuthuthuzela.
Ngaba umphathi wam udlala ngam
Ukusebenza Ngentlungu Xa Bobabini Abazali Bedlula
Xa bobabini abazali bakho besweleka nokuba ubalahlekisile ngokusondeleleneyo okanye ngaxeshanye, unokuziva ukoyikeka okumangalisayo kukothuka kokuphulukana bobabini ngaxeshanye. Ngelixa inkqubo nganye yokulila ihlukile, akuqhelekanga ukulahleka kabini ukuthatha ixesha elide ukubuyela kwimeko yengqondo. Unokufumana iingcinga ezingazi nto malunga nokulahlwa, ukuba wedwa kunye nokukhuseleka. Qiniseka ukuba uzikhathalela ngakumbi, fumana abantu obathandayo onokuthi uthethe nabo, ufikelele kunyangi ogxile ekulahlekelweni ngumzali, kwaye ujoyine iqela lenkxaso apho unokuqhubekekisa la mava awodwa nabanye abaye batyhubela into ngokufanayo.
Intlungu ihlala ixesha elingakanani emva kokusweleka komzali
Intlungu ibubuntu ngokupheleleyo kwaye inokuhlala iiveki, iinyanga, iminyaka ukuya kuxhomekeka kwizinto ezahlukeneyo. Izinto ezichaphazela usizi zibandakanya:
- Ubudala bakho ngexesha lokulahleka- kwabantwana nolutsha banokuba nexesha elinzima lokulungisa intlungu yabo kunye nokuchacha
- Ubudlelwane bakho nomzali oswelekileyo- ukuba ubukufuphi kakhulu kwaye wabona kwaye / okanye uthetha nabo rhoqo, ilahleko inokuziva kunzima kakhulu ukuyenza
- Izakhono zakho zangaphakathi zokulwa kunye nenqanaba lokuqonda kwakho
- Inkqubo yakho yenkxaso
- Ukuziqhelanisa notshintsho- Abo banengcinga engqongqo banokuba nexesha elinzima ngakumbi lokujongana nolu hlobo lwelahleko
Ungamnceda njani uMntwana okanye aJamelane noLutsha emva kokulahlekelwa ngumzali
Abantwana nolutsha oluphulukene nomzali Ngexesha labo lobuntwana basemngciphekweni omkhulu wokukhula kweempawu zokuphazamiseka engqondweni ezinokuba nefuthe elibi kubomi babo nakwimpilo yabo xa kuthelekiswa abantu abadala abancinci abaphulukana nomzali . Indlela yokupasa komzali nayo inokuchaphazela umngcipheko wokukhula kweempawu zokuphazamiseka engqondweni. Abazali abaswelekayo ngenxa yokuzibulala, ukubulala, kunye neengozi zinxulunyaniswa nomngcipheko okhulayo wokuba nengxaki yempilo yengqondo. Abantwana abancinci ngabona basesichengeni sokufumana ezi mpawu zibuhlungu. Ukunceda umntwana okanye ulutsha kumelane:
- Qinisekisa iimvakalelo zabo
- Bancede baqonde ukuba kutheni beziva ngendlela ethile
- Thenga ubudala boncwadi olufanelekileyo onokulunika lona okanye ufunde nabo
- Yazi ukuba imbonakalo yabo yosizi inokubonakala yahlukile kubantu abadala- banokuba nomsindo, bayarhoxa, bayalila, bazive bebendindisholo, kwaye bazibek 'ityala.
- Gcina imizila yabo ikwindawo yesiqhelo kunye nokufana kubonelela ngeemvakalelo zentuthuzelo nokhuseleko
- Bancede bafumane iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokubeka umzali wabo
Ukuqonda Intlungu Ehambelana Nomzali
Ukuba buhlungu ngokuswelekelwa ngumzali okanye abazali kunokuziva njengelona xesha libuhlungu nelinzima ebomini bakho. Yazi ukuba ufanelekilethatha ixesha olifunayo ukuba ube sentlungwinikwaye kulungile ukufikelela kwinkxaso ukuba iyafuneka.
