Xa kuziwa ekujonganeni neengxaki zakho zobudlelwane, kuya kufuneka uphephe ivenkile yokutya. Ngoku ka ILois Barth , isithethi esikhuthazayo, umqeqeshi wobomi kunye nomqeqeshi (osebenze namaqela enkxaso kunye nabantu ngendlela yokuphumelela bobabini kunye nomsebenzi), ukuzama ukusombulula ukungafani kobudlelwane ngelixa uphakathi komlo kufana nokuya ezivenkileni xa ulambile.
Eyona micimbi yobudlelwane iqhelekileyo
Elona xesha lilungileyo lokwenza lo msebenzi kuxa ungathathi cala. Njengokuba usitya isidlo ngaphambi kokuba uye ezivenkileni, ke unokufumana into oyifunayo kunokuba uzame ukuphelisa indlala yakho. Inyathelo lokuqala kwizibini ezitshatileyo kukungalindi ukunyibilika ukuba kwenzeke, kodwa ukuzilungisa ngaphambi kokuba zenze, utshilo u-Barth. Iingxaki zobudlelwane ziyavela ngokuhamba kwexesha kwaye kuthatha abantu bobabini kubudlelwane ukuba basebenze kwisisombululo. Ezona ngxaki zintlanu zixhaphakileyo u-Barth uziva kwizibini zakhe kunye nabathengi banokwaphukelwa xa omnye okanye bobabini abantu kubudlelwane:
- Ayicacanga malunga neemfuno zabo
- Abazinyamekeli
- Gxila kude kakhulu 'ekuphumeleleni' impikiswano kwaye ulungile, kunokuba usombulule ingxaki
- Ukungahoyi okanye ukusilela ukuqaphela iinzame ezenziwe ngomnye ukunciphisa ingxaki
- Banga ukuba elinye iqabane litshintshe, okanye libe ngomnye umntu
- Imifanekiso emi-10 emihle yeziBini ezithandanayo
- Iifoto ezili-10 zeZibini eziMnandi zaseLuthando
- Iifoto ze-10 Couping Kissing
Ezi ngxaki zintlanu ziphantsi kwemicimbi emininzi yobudlelwane ebangela ukuba izibini ziphikisane. Ukusombulula ezo ngxaki kufuna ukuba izibini zisebenze kunye.
Isisombululo # 1: Sebenza ngokuBambisana
Xa abantu abatshatileyo bengacacanga ukuba bafuna ntoni, oko kungakhokelela kwimilo. Abasetyhini banokukrokra, bathethe, okanye bakhule bengenzi nto ngaphandle kokucela nje into abayifunayo ngaphandle kokuxolisa. Amadoda anomdaniso wawo nawo, kodwa ndicinga ukuba singena engxakini xa silindele ukuba amadoda afunde iingqondo zethu, utshilo uBarth.
Abantu abatshatileyo kufuneka babandakanyeke kwaye babazise amaqabane abo ukuba yintoni abayifunayo okanye abayifunayo. Ukuba umfazi ufuna nje ukuba umyeni wakhe achithe ixesha kunye naye, kufuneka ayitsho ngaphandle kwezimvo okanye ityala. Kananjalo akufuneki axolise ngokuvakalisa iimfuno zakhe. Ngokuchaseneyo, amadoda kufuneka abenakho ukuveza iimfuno zabo. Ukuzilolonga okusebenzayo kunokunceda izibini ziphumeze olu lwalamano nokusombulula ingxaki yokungacaci.
Ukumamela okusebenzayo
'Into yokuqala ebaluleke kakhulu- izibini azenzi ngokwaneleyo - yinto elula ebizwa ngokuba kukuphulaphula. Ubajonga ngamehlo, uguqe ngamadolo kwaye wabelana ngeemvakalelo kunye neengcinga zakho. Emva koko ubayeke bathethe oko bakuvileyo. Sebenzisa 'mna' ulwimi (njengoko 'ndivile.' Kunokuba 'uthe..'), Emva koko ubuze, 'Ngaba ndiyifumene?' Mirror umva into oyivayo. Ngamanye amaxesha abayifumani kakuhle; ayisiyonto yokuyifumana ngokoqobo, imalunga nokufumana umxholo wayo, utshilo uBarth.
Lo msebenzi uvumela ukuba uzibandakanye kwihlabathi lomnye nomnye kwaye uve ngokwenene iqabane lakho. Awunakho ukuthetha-thethana neemfuno zakho ukuba awuziva ukuba iqabane lakho liyakuva, liyayiqonda kwaye liyayixhasa. UBarth ukhuthaza izibini ukuba zibandakanye ekuphulaphuleni ngokukhutheleyo ubuncinci yonke imihla kwaye zisoloko ziqala ngesihloko esingathathi hlangothi.
Isisombululo # 2: Zinakekele
UBarth uchaza ukulibala ukuzikhathalela kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo zenzondo kunye nokungakwazi ukunxibelelana nabanye. 'Ukuzikhathalela kakubi kwabasetyhini kuhlala kukhokelela ekudinweni kwaye kamva bacaphuke kumaqabane abo angamadoda, kanti ukuba bangacela uncedo, kwaye bangaziva ngathi kufuneka balungise umhlaba, wonke umntu uya kuphumelela.'
Kubalulekile ukuba abasetyhini (kunye namadoda) baqonde ukuba ukuba awuzikhathaleli, awunakubahoya abanye. Ukungonwabi komntu nokuba kubangelwa yimbonakalo, ubunzima, impumelelo okanye omnye umba osisiseko unokuphumela kubudlelwane.
Isisombululo # 3: Kulumkele ukuZabalaza kwaMandla
'Ukulwa ngamandla phakathi kwezibini ezimalunga nemali, isondo, okanye nawuphina umxholo xa omabini la maqela azinikele ngakumbi ekubeni elungile kunokuba kunjalo kubudlelwane,' utshilo uBarth kukhokelela kwiingxoxo ezininzi. Xa izibini zisilwa, kufuneka ziqonde ukuba kuncinci malunga nokuba lilungelo kwaye ngakumbi malunga nokuva elinye icala. Ubudlelwane kufuneka buxhase isibini kwaye kufuneka bazinikele ekusombululeni imiba yabo, kuba ukuzama ukuphumelela impikiswano kuxabisa ubudlelwane.
Misela imigaqo yokuxoxa ngeengxaki njengoko zivela. Ukuba isibini sifuna ukuthatha ixesha lokuphumla ukuze sixoxe kunokuphikisana, vuma oku ngaphambi kokuba iingxaki zenzeke. Ukuba naliphi na iqela lithi alinakuwuxoxa lo mbandela ngokusesikweni, elinye kufuneka lihloniphe imfuno kwaye lingayithathi kancinci. Ukusombulula umzabalazo wamandla kwenzeka ngaphambi kokuba kwenzeke.
Isisombululo # 4: Ukulungiswa kokuzama
Inzame yokulungisa kuxa elinye iqabane okanye elinye lizama ukwenza uxolo okanye ukuzama ukusombulula ukungafani kwabo. Oku kubalulekile kuba, ukuba 'isibini siyalwa, kwaye omnye uphosa ngaphandle isebe lomnquma, aze omnye alilahle bucala, kuyolula ingxabano kwaye kufuneka kwakhona ukuba ulungile.'
Kubalulekile ukwamkela isebe lomnquma okanye ubuncinci uqaphele ukuba inikiwe. Ubudlelwane obuninzi busilela xa ukuzama ukulungisa kungaphumelelanga kunabo baphikisana ngalo lonke ixesha, kodwa bayayazi indlela yokulungisa. KwiJohn Gottman Imigaqo esixhenxe yokwenza umtshato usebenze , unikezela uthotho lokuzilolonga ukunceda izibini zinike kwaye zamkele iinzame zokulungisa.
Isisombululo # 5: Lixabise iqabane lakho
Abanye bafuna umntu lowo ukuba abengomnye umntu kwaye 'batshintshe' kunokuba bamkele ukuba ungubani. Khumbula ukuba uwela emntwini njengokuba enjalo kwaye ukufumana ulungelelwaniso kwiiyantlukwano zakho kubaluleke ngaphezu kotshintsho. Le ngxaki igxininisa yonke eminye imiba kubudlelwane. Ukuzibophelela ekuxoxeni ngemicimbi, ukuhlonipha izimvo zomnye nomnye, kunye nokugxila kwiimpendulo malunga nokuba lilungile lutshintsho ekufuneka lwenziwe ngumntu kwaye alunakunyanzelwa liqabane elinye kwelinye.
Uxabiso lokuzivocavoca
Kwizibini ezitshatileyo ukufaka imali kwibhanki yazo yobudlelwane, imithambo yokuxabisa inokunceda ngamnye wenu azive engcono ngomnye. Umsebenzi wokuxabisa ukumema nobabini ukuba nithethe izinto ezintathu ozithandayo okanye onomdla ngazo. Yamkela into abakwenzela yona kunye nendlela oziva ngayo, utshilo uBarth.
Ukumamela ngokunyanisekileyo kunye nokuxabisa ukuzilolonga kususa ukucinga ukuba iqabane lakho alikuva okanye likuxabise. Ukusombulula iingxaki zakho zobudlelwane kuthetha ukusebenzisana yonke imihla ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho.
Yenza izisombululo zibe ngumthetho
Amaqabane ayaphazamiseka kuba uxakekile ngumsebenzi kunye nabantwana. Ezi zibini ziqhela ukungahoyi omnye nomnye kwaye zilibale ukuphatha enye 'njengezodwa' njengangaphambili. U-Barth wagxininisa ukuba ngeveki, okanye ubuncinci, ubusuku obusuku kabini ngenyanga benza umahluko.
Chonga izinto ozibangela
Ukongeza kuzo zonke ezi zinto zingasentla, kubalulekile ukuba izibini zichonge ukuba zibangelwa yintoni kwingxoxo ukuze ziyiguqule ibe yingxabano.
Ndiqale ukuchonga xa ndichukunyiswa kwaye eli ayiloxesha elifanelekileyo lokuba ndincokole. Xa ndisiva oku kungxamiseka ukuba kufuneka andiqonde ngoku kwaye ndiziva ngathi ndibanjisiwe, ndiyazi ukuba akukho nto ilungileyo izokuza. Ndiyaphefumla kwaye ndimxelela ukuba ndingena kwelinye igumbi ukuze ndizole, ndiqokelele iingcinga zam. Uya kuwuvuyela umxholo. Oko kubangelwa kukwazi ngokwenene wena. '
Ukulungisa iingxaki zakho zobudlelwane, kuya kufuneka ukwenze oko kumhlaba ongathathi cala emva kwengxabano, xa nobabini nizolile. Zikhumbuze ayithethi ukuba ulungile. Imalunga nokumamelana kunye nokuhlonipha iqabane lakho kunye nesiqu sakho. Ukuzivocavoca ezimbini uBarth ucebisa ukuba izibini ziqale ukuziqhelanisa nokuba zinemicimbi yobudlelwane ngoku okanye hayi, ziimvakalelo zokumamela kunye noxabiso.
Khetha Izigqibo ezisebenzelayo
Isibini ngasinye sahlukile, kodwa intambo enye kubo bonke ubudlelwane obunempumelelo sisakhono sesibini sokusombulula ukungavisisani kwabo. Ayizizo zonke isisombululo esiya kusebenza kuzo zonke izibini, kodwa ukuziqhelanisa nokumamela kunye nokuthakazelela umthambo kunokunceda izibini ziphumeze isisombululo esifanelekileyo kwimicimbi yazo.
Inkonzo yesikhumbuzo ithatha ixesha elingakanani
