Ukufelwa ngumntu omthandayo yinxalenye yobomi obungenakuphepheka, yaye kula maxesha anzima apho sifuna intuthuzelo nentuthuzelo ngamazwi. Iingcaphuno zokuphumla ngoXolo zisebenza njengesikhumbuzo soxolo lwanaphakade olulindele abo bangasekhoyo. Banikezela ngemvakalelo yokuvala kwaye banike umthombo wamandla abo bashiywe ngasemva.
Ezi ngcaphuno zokuPhumla ngoXolo ziqulathe iimvakalelo kunye neengcinga eziza kukulahlekelwa ngumntu omthandayo. Zisikhumbuza ukuba sizixabise iinkumbulo esinazo size sibe noxolo ngokwazi ukuba abo sibathandayo ngoku bakwindawo ebhetele. Isicatshulwa ngasinye siphethe umyalezo onzulu ohambelana namava omntu entlungu kunye nokuphilisa.
Nokuba ufuna amagama okuthuthuzela umhlobo osentlungwini okanye uzifunela eyakho intliziyo ebuhlungu, le ngqokelela yeengcaphuno zokuPhumla ngoXolo inika umbono wobulumko obunzulu kunye nobuhle obunokufunyanwa ngamaxesha elahleko. Ezi zicatshulwa zisebenza njengesikhumbuzo sokuba nangamaxesha osizi, kukho ithemba kunye noxolo oluya kufunyanwa.
Bona kwakho: Iingcaphuno zothando olusuk' entliziyweni kuMfazi wakho oya kuma kuvavanyo lwexesha
Uvelwano: Ukuyila Ukuphumla kwiMiyalezo yoXolo
Xa umntu esimthandayo esifa, kunokuba nzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okubonakalisa uvelwano novelwano. Ukuyila isigidimi esisuka entliziyweni ukuze sihlonele inkumbulo yabangasekhoyo kunokunikela intuthuzelo nentuthuzelo kwabo basentlungwini. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zokwenza ukuphumla kwimiyalezo yoxolo:
Bona kwakho: Ungazikhetha njani iZipho zokuthweswa isidanga eziLungileyo kuye wonke umntu othweswe isidanga
1. Yigcine ilula: Ngamanye amaxesha, awona magama alula anokuba nempembelelo enkulu. Xela amazwi ovelwano kwaye uvumele abafelweyo bazi ukuba ubakho ngexesha labo lobunzima.
Bona kwakho: Ukulawula uluhlu oluxhobisayo lwamagama amakhwenkwe aMnyama ukuba abhiyozele isazisi
2. Yabelana ngenkumbulo: Camngca ngenkumbulo ekhethekileyo okanye umzuzu owabelana ngawo nabangasekhoyo. Oku kunokunceda ekuthuthuzeleni abo basentlungwini kuze kugcine inkumbulo yalowo umthandayo iphila.
3. Nikela ngenkxaso: Yazisa abo bafelweyo ukuba ukho ukuze unikele inkxaso noncedo nangayiphi na indlela. Nokuba kukwenza imisebenzi, ukupheka ukutya, okanye ukuba yindlebe ephulaphulayo, inkxaso yakho inokwenza umahluko.
4. Sebenzisa izicatshulwa ezinentsingiselo okanye iivesi zonqulo: Ukuba umkileyo ebenocaphulo oluthandayo okanye indinyana yonqulo enentsingiselo ekhethekileyo kubo, cinga ngokuyifaka kumyalezo wakho. Oku kunokumthuthuzela kuze kukhumbuze lowo ufelweyo ngeenkolelo okanye imilinganiselo yokuziphatha yalowo umthandayo.
5. Bonisa uvelwano: Yivume intlungu nentlungu abakuyo abo bafelweyo uze ubaxelele ukuba ukulungele ukubamamela nokubaxhasa. Sebenzisa amabinzana ovelwano afana nelithi 'Andiyithengi indlela ekumele ukuba kunzima ngayo oku kuwe' okanye 'Intliziyo yam ilihlwili ngenxa yokulahlekelwa kwakho.'
6. Yenza imithandazo okanye iingcinga: Ukuba ungumntu wokholo, cinga ngokwenza imithandazo okanye ukuthumela iingcinga ezintle kulowo ufelweyo kunye nesithandwa sakhe esingasekhoyo. Oku kunokubanika intuthuzelo nesiqinisekiso ngexesha labo besentlungwini.
7. Qeda ngokuvala ngokusuka entliziyweni: Qukumbela umyalezo wakho ngokuvala ngokunyanisekileyo nangokusuka entliziyweni. Baxelele abo bafelweyo ukuba ucinga ngabo kwaye ubaxhasa ngalo lonke ixesha befuna inkxaso.
Khumbula ukuba, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukwazisa abafelweyo ukuba ababodwa abasentlungwini yaye nawe ukulungele ukubaxhasa. Amazwi akho ovelwano nenkumbulo anokuzisa intuthuzelo nentuthuzelo ngeli xesha linzima.
Ngowuphi owona myalezo wovelwano?
Xa umntu esimkhathaleleyo ephulukene nomntu esimthandayo, ukufumana amazwi afanelekileyo ovelwano kunokuba lucelomngeni. Noko ke, umyalezo osuka entliziyweni wovelwano nenkxaso unokunikela intuthuzelo ngeli xesha linzima. Nazi iingcebiso ezimbalwa zowona myalezo wovelwano:
1. Veza uvelwano lwakho: Qala ngokwenza uvelwano kwaye ubonise intlungu yakho ngokulahlekelwa kwabo. Baxelele ukuba ubakho ngenxa yabo yaye ucinga ngabo ngeli xesha linzima.
2. Yabelana ngeenkumbulo zakho: Ukuba unazo naziphi na iinkumbulo ezimnandi zomfi, sabelane ngazo nomntu osentlungwini. Ukukhumbula amaxesha olonwabo kunokubathuthuzela kuze kubakhumbuze ngovuyo olubangelwa sisalamane sabo ebomini babo.
3. Nikela ngenkxaso: Mazise loo mntu ukuba uyafumaneka ukuze umncede ngayo nayiphi na indlela asenokufuna ngayo. Nokuba kukuqhuba imisebenzi, ukunika indlebe ephulaphulayo, okanye ukunika igxalaba ukuze ukhale, ukunika inkxaso yakho kunokwenza umahluko omkhulu.
4. Sebenzisa uvelwano: Yivume intlungu nentlungu abayifumanayo. Bazise ukuba kulungile ukuziva udiniwe kwaye ukhona ukubaxhasa ngeli xesha linzima.
5. Kuphephe ukucofa: Nangona kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuthetha amazwi entuthuzelo, zama ukuwaphepha amazwi anjengala 'bakwindawo engcono' okanye 'ixesha liphilisa onke amanxeba.' La mabinzana asenokubonakala ngathi akanyanisekanga okanye angayihoyi intlungu yawo.
6 Yithethe ngokusuka entliziyweni: Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuthetha ngokusuka entliziyweni. Uvelwano lwakho kufuneka lube lolwenyani kwaye lunyaniseke. Mazise loo mntu ukuba umkhathalele kwaye ulapho ukuze amncede.
Khumbula, wonke umntu uba buhlungu ngokwahlukileyo, ngoko ke kubalulekile ukuba novelwano nokuqonda. Umyalezo wakho wovelwano kufuneka ubonise uvelwano lwakho kunye nenkxaso kumntu oye wafumana ilahleko.
Uyivakalisa njani imiyalezo yovelwano?
Ukuvakalisa uvelwano yindlela ebalulekileyo yokubonisa inkxaso novelwano kumntu ophulukene nesithandwa sakhe. Kusenokuba nzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo onokuthetha ngawo, kodwa isigidimi esisuka entliziyweni sinokunikela intuthuzelo nentuthuzelo ngexesha lobunzima. Nanga amanye amacebiso ngendlela yokuvakalisa imiyalezo yovelwano:
| 1. Nyaniseka: | Kubalulekile ukuba unyaniseke kwaye unyaniseke xa uvakalisa amazwi ovelwano. Gwema ii-cliches okanye amabinzana aqhelekileyo kwaye endaweni yoko ugxininise ekuboniseni uvelwano lwakho lokwenene kunye nenkxaso. |
| 2. Yigcine ilula: | Imiyalezo yovelwano kufuneka ibemfutshane kwaye iqonde. Umyalezo omfutshane nolula unokuba nefuthe ngakumbi kwaye kulula kumamkeli ukuba awufunde kwaye awuqonde. |
| 3. Nikeza ngenkxaso ethile: | Kunokuba uthi ‘ndazise xa kukho nantoni na oyifunayo,’ nikela ngeendlela ezingqalileyo onokumnceda okanye umxhase ngazo umntu osentlungwini. Oku kusenokuquka ukucela ukupheka ukutya, ukwenza imisetyenzana, okanye ukubakho nje ukuze uphulaphule. |
| 4. Yabelana ngenkumbulo: | Ukuba unenkumbulo yobuqu okanye ibali malunga nomfi, ukwabelana ngayo kunokuba yindlela enentsingiselo yokuvakalisa uvelwano. Kubonisa ukuba uyamkhumbula yaye umxabisile umntu ongasekhoyo. |
| 5. Sebenzisa uvelwano: | Zama ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zomntu osentlungwini kwaye ubonise uvelwano ngelahleko yakhe. Yivume intlungu yabo kwaye ubazise ukuba ukho ukuze ubancede ngeli xesha linzima. |
| 6. Kulumkele ukuthelekisa: | Kuphephe ukuthelekisa ilahleko yabo nayo nayiphi na enye ilahleko okanye ucebise ukuba uyayiqonda kakuhle indlela abavakalelwa ngayo. Wonke umntu uba buhlungu ngokwahlukileyo, kwaye kubalulekile ukuhlonipha amava akhe awodwa. |
| 7. Yenza uvelwano buqu: | Ukuba kunokwenzeka, nikela amazwi ovelwano ngokobuqu kunokuthumela umyalezo okanye i-imeyile. Utyelelo lobuqu lunokunikela intuthuzelo nenkxaso esenokungadluliswa ngamazwi abhaliweyo. |
Khumbula, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukubonisa inkxaso yakho kwaye uvumele lowo usentlungwini azi ukuba akayedwanga. Uvelwano lwakho lunokukunika intuthuzelo kunye nokomeleza ngexesha lobunzima.
Ngawaphi amazwi emiyalezo yovelwano?
Xa umntu esimkhathalelayo efumana ilahleko kunye nentlungu, kunokuba nzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okubonakalisa uvelwano nenkxaso yethu. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukuba sidlulise amazwi ovelwano kwaye sibazise ukuba sikhona ngenxa yabo ngeli xesha linzima. Nanga amanye amagama anokusetyenziswa kwimiyalezo yovelwano:
1. 'Ndiyaxolisa ngokulahlekelwa kwakho.' Eli binzana lilula livuma intlungu kunye nosizi umntu azivayo kwaye uyabazisa ukuba uyazi ngelahleko yakhe.
2. 'Iingcinga nemithandazo yam ikuwe nosapho lwakho.' Lo myalezo unika intuthuzelo kunye nenkxaso, ubazisa ukuba bakwiingcinga zakho kunye nemithandazo ngeli xesha linzima.
iisampulu zeleta zothando ngqo entliziyweni yakho
3. Ngamana intanda yakho ingaphumla ngoxolo. Olu luvo luvakalisa ithemba loxolo noxolo kumfi, kwaye lunika umoya wentuthuzelo kwabo bashiyekileyo.
4. 'Ndilapha ngenxa yakho ukuba ufuna nantoni na.' Lo myalezo udlulisela ukuvuma kwakho ukunika inkxaso kunye noncedo, ubakhumbuza ukuba ababodwa kwintlungu yabo.
5. 'Nceda wamkele uvelwano lwam olunzulu.' Le ngxelo isesikweni yovelwano idlulisela umyalezo onyanisekileyo nosuka entliziyweni wovelwano.
6. 'Andiyicingi ukuba inokuba nzima kangakanani le nto kuwe.' Le ngxelo yovelwano ivuma intlungu engathethekiyo kunye nemingeni umntu ajongene nayo, ebonisa ukuqonda kunye novelwano.
7. 'Khumbula ukuba uyathandwa kwaye uyaxhaswa.' Lo myalezo ukhumbuza umntu ukuba ujikelezwe luthando kwaye unokuthembela kubahlobo kunye nosapho lwakhe ngenkxaso.
8. Ngamana iinkumbulo zakho zingakuzisela intuthuzelo. Lo myalezo ukhuthaza umntu ukuba afumane intuthuzelo kwiinkumbulo awabelana ngazo nesithandwa sakhe, njengoko iinkumbulo zidla ngokuzisa intuthuzelo ngamaxesha entlungu.
9. 'Thatha lonke ixesha olifunayo ukuphilisa.' Lo myalezo uyavuma ukuba ukuphilisa kuthatha ixesha kwaye kunika isiqinisekiso sokuba kulungile ukuba buhlungu kwaye uthathe ixesha eliyimfuneko lokuphilisa.
10. 'Ndikuthumelela amandla nothando ngeli xesha linzima.' Lo myalezo unika inkxaso kunye nothando, ukhumbuza umntu ukuba akayedwa kwaye unamandla okumelana neli xesha linzima.
Khumbula, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukunika uvelwano olunyanisekileyo nolunyanisekileyo. Amazwi owakhethayo afanele aphume entliziyweni yaye abonise ulwalamano onalo nomntu osentlungwini.
Ukuhlonipha abathandekayo: Iingcaphuno zokukhumbula
Xa sifelwa ngumntu esimthandayo, kunokuba nzima kwaye kube buhlungu. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula nokuhlonipha inkumbulo yabo. Enye indlela yokwenza oku kukufumana intuthuzelo kwiingcaphulo ezisikhumbuza ngezihlandlo ezikhethekileyo esabelana ngazo nabo sibathandayo. Nazi ezinye izicatshulwa zokukhumbula ezinokukunceda ukuba uhloniphe kwaye uxabise inkumbulo yabathandekayo bakho:
'Abo sibathandayo abahambi, bahamba ecaleni kwethu yonke imihla. Ayibonwa, ayiviwa, kodwa isoloko ikufuphi, isathandwa, isakhunjulwa, kwaye ndiyithanda kakhulu.' | 'Intlungu lixabiso esilihlawulayo ngenxa yothando.' |
'Ekugqibeleni, asiyominyaka yobomi bakho ebalwayo. Bubomi kwiminyaka yakho.' | 'Intlungu iyadlula, kodwa ubuhle buhleli.' |
'Into ebesikhe sayonwabela, asinakuze siphulukane nayo. Yonke into esiyithanda ngokunzulu iba yinxalenye yethu.' ungayifumana itattoo ngelixa uncancisa | 'Ubomi bakho bube yintsikelelo, inkumbulo yakho ibubutyebi. Uthandwa ngaphaya kwamazwi kwaye uphoswe ngaphaya komlinganiselo.' |
'Abo baye baphila ubomi obulungileyo bashiya ngasemva ilifa lothando nobubele obungenakuze buphele.' | 'Eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuhlonela inkumbulo yabo sibathandayo kukuphila ubomi bethu ngothando, uvuyo nobubele abafana nabo abasibonisayo.' |
Ezi ngcaphuno zisebenza njengesikhumbuzo sokuba nangona abathandekayo bethu bengasenakuthi ngokwenyama, ubukho babo kunye nefuthe kubomi bethu buya kuhlala buhlala. Zithuthuzele kwiinkumbulo kunye nothando enabelana ngalo, kwaye uhloniphe inkumbulo yabo ngokuphila ubomi bakho ngendlela eya kubenza babe nekratshi.
Uthini xa ukhumbula umntu omthandayo?
Xa ukhumbula umntu omthandayo ongasekhoyo, kunokuba nzima ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okuchaza indlela ovakalelwa ngayo. Noko ke, ngokwabelana ngeenkumbulo ezithandekayo, ukuthuthuzela, nokucingisisa ngempembelelo abanayo ebomini bakho, unokuyihlonela inkumbulo yabo uze ubathuthuzele abanye abasentlungwini.
Ukukhumbula umntu omthandayo ngamava anzulu obuqu, yaye akukho ndlela ilungileyo okanye iphosakeleyo yokuvakalisa iimvakalelo zakho. Abanye abantu bafumana intuthuzelo ngokwabelana ngamabali asuka entliziyweni kunye nee-anecdotes, ngelixa abanye benokukhetha ukubonakalisa ngokuthula okanye ngokubonakalisa ubugcisa.
Xa sithetha ngomntu omthandayo kwisikhumbuzo, kunokuba luncedo ukunikela ingqalelo kwiinkalo ezintle zobomi babo nakwilifa abalishiye ngasemva. Balaselisa izinto abazifezileyo, ububele babo nempembelelo ababenayo kubomi babanye.
Kukwabalulekile ukuyivuma intlungu nentlungu yokufelwa ngumntu omthandayo. Ukuthuthuzela abanye abasentlungwini kunokunikela intuthuzelo nenkxaso kweli xesha lobunzima.
Khumbula ukuba intlungu iluhambo, kwaye wonke umntu ukhala ngokwahlukileyo. Kulungile ukuva uluhlu lweemvakalelo, ukusuka lusizi kunye nomsindo ukuya kumbulelo kunye novuyo xa ukhumbula umntu omthandayo. Vumela wena kunye nabanye ukuba ube buhlungu kwaye uphilise ngendlela yabo.
Ekukhunjweni komntu othandekayo, kubalulekile ukuhlonipha inkumbulo yabo kwaye ugcine umoya wabo uphila ngezenzo zethu kunye nendlela esiphila ngayo ubomi bethu. Nokuba kungenxa yezenzo zobubele, iminikelo yesisa, okanye ukuxabisa nje iinkumbulo esabelana ngazo, singaqinisekisa ukuba ilifa labo liyaqhubeka.
Ukukhumbula umntu omthandayo akuthethi ukuthetha amazwi afanelekileyo, kodwa kukugcina inkumbulo yabo iphila ezintliziyweni zethu ngonaphakade.
Sisiphi isicatshulwa esilungileyo malunga nenkumbulo?
Ukukhumbula sisenzo esinamandla esigcina iinkumbulo zabo sibathandayo ziphila. Yindlela yokubeka imbeko kwabo bangasekhoyo nokuxabisa impembelelo abanayo kubomi bethu. Nantsi isicatshulwa esibamba kakuhle undoqo wenkumbulo:
'Simkile emehlweni ethu, kodwa hayi ezintliziyweni zethu.'
Esi sicatshulwa sisikhumbuza ukuba nangona abantu esibathandayo besenokungabikho ngokwasemzimbeni, inkumbulo yabo kunye nothando esabelana ngalo nabo luya kuhlala lusezintliziyweni zethu. Yingcamango ethuthuzelayo evumela ukuba sifumane intuthuzelo xa bengekho kwaye sigcine umoya wabo uphila ngeenkumbulo zethu.
Xa sikhumbula abo badlulileyo, sihlonipha ubomi babo kunye nophawu abalushiye kwihlabathi lethu. Ngokukhumbula, siqinisekisa ukuba ilifa labo liyaphila kwaye impembelelo yabo ayinakuze ilityalwe.
Ukukhumbula akukhona nje ukuzila ilahleko, kodwa malunga nokubhiyozela kunye nokuxabisa amaxesha amahle esabelana ngawo nabo sibathandayo.
Ubhala njani isicatshulwa sokukhumbula?
Ukubhala isicatshulwa sokukhumbula kunokuba yindlela echukumisayo yokuhlonipha nokukhumbula umntu omthandayo oye wasweleka. Nazi ezinye iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokubhala isicatshulwa senkumbulo esisuka entliziyweni:
1. Camngca ngomntu lowo: Cinga ngeempawu, imilinganiselo neenkumbulo eziye zamenza lo mntu wakhethekile kuwe. Cinga ngobuntu babo, izinto abazifezileyo, kunye nempembelelo ababenayo kubomi bakho.
2. Khetha ithowuni echanekileyo: Thatha isigqibo sokuba uyafuna na ukuba isicatshulwa sakho sokukhumbula sibe muncu kwaye sibonakalise, okanye siphakamise kwaye sibhiyoze. Qwalasela ubuntu baloo mntu noko bekuya kunxulumana nabo nabanye.
3. Yigcine imfutshane: Iingcaphuno zenkumbulo zihlala zimfutshane kwaye zifutshane, zibamba undoqo womntu ngamagama ambalwa. Cinga ngokusebenzisa amagama anamandla nanentsingiselo adlulisa iimvakalelo zakho kunye neenkumbulo.
4. Sebenzisa imifanekiso kunye nezikweko: Ukongeza umfanekiso-ngqondweni kunye nezikweko kunokunceda ukwenza isicatshulwa esicacileyo nesivuselelayo senkumbulo. Cinga ngeminqweno yomntu, izinto azithandayo, okanye izinto azithandayo, kwaye uzibandakanye kwisicatshulwa sakho.
5. Nikela ingqalelo kwizinto ezintle: Ngoxa kungokwemvelo ukuba buhlungu nokuba buhlungu xa ukhumbula umntu ongasekhoyo, zama ukunikel’ ingqalelo kwiinkalo ezintle zobomi bakhe nakwimpembelelo aba nayo kwabanye. Isicatshulwa sokukhumbula sinokuba yindlela yokubhiyozela ubomi babo kunye nokugcina inkumbulo yabo iphila.
Khumbula, ukubhala isicatshulwa sokukhumbula yinkqubo yobuqu kunye nentliziyo. Thatha ixesha lakho, cinga ngeenkumbulo zakho, kwaye uvumele iimvakalelo zakho zikukhokele njengoko usenza isicatshulwa esihlonipha umntu kunye nelifa lakhe.
Intuthuzelo kwi-Farewell: Phumla ngoXolo Iintetho
Ngexesha lentlungu kunye nokulahlekelwa, ukufumana intuthuzelo ngokuvalelisa kunokuzisa imvakalelo yentuthuzelo noxolo. La mazwi aphumla ngoxolo asebenza njengesikhumbuzo sendalo yanaphakade yomphefumlo kunye nobuhle bobomi obuphilwa kakuhle.
1. 'Ukulunga akuyi kuhlala ngonaphakade, ayisosiphelo; kuthetha ukuba ndiza kukukhumbula de sidibane kwakhona.' -Akwaziwa
2 Umphefumlo wakho ungaphumla ngonaphakade, Ukukhumbula kwakho kube yintsikelelo kubo bonke ababekwazi. -Akwaziwa
3 Nakubeni singahlukene, uMoya wakho wohlala unathi, Usikhaphele, usigcine. -Akwaziwa
4. 'Kuhambo lobomi, ukuvalelisa ayisosiphelo, kodwa sisiqalo sesahluko esitsha.' -Akwaziwa
5. 'Njengoko niphumle ngoxolo, ngamana uthando nokukhanya enabelana ngako kungaqhubeka kukhanye phezu kwethu.' -Akwaziwa
6. 'Intlungu lixabiso esilihlawulayo ngenxa yothando, kodwa uthando lwakho luya kuhlala luhleli ezintliziyweni zethu ngonaphakade.' -Akwaziwa
7. 'Kwindawo yokuvalelisa, sifumana intuthuzelo ekwazini ukuba siya kuphinda simanyane kulwando lwaphakade.' -Akwaziwa
8. 'Ngamana iingelosi zingakukhokelela kwindawo yakho yokuphumla yokugqibela, apho kulindelwe uxolo nokuzola.' -Akwaziwa
9 Phula ngoxolo, sihlobo esithandekayo, usazi ukuba ilifa lobubele nemfesane lakho liya kuhlala lihleli ezintliziyweni zethu. -Akwaziwa
10. 'Kwiincoko zobomi, ukuvalelisa ngumsonto osidibanisa sonke, osikhumbuza ngokuxabiseka komzuzu ngamnye.' -Akwaziwa
La mazwi aphumla ngoxolo anika imvakalelo yentuthuzelo nethemba, esikhumbuza ukuba naxa sivalelisa, kukho ubuhle noxolo olufumanekayo.
Lithini ilizwi elimnandi elithi uphumle ngoxolo?
Xa umntu esifa, iba lixesha elinzima kwabo babathandayo. Ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okudlulisa uvelwano kunye nokuthuthuzela kunokuba ngumsebenzi onzima. Nanga amazwi amahle okuphumla ngoxolo anokunceda ukubonisa uvelwano kunye nembeko kwinkumbulo yabangasekhoyo:
- 'Ngamana umphefumlo wabo ungafumana uxolo olungunaphakade.'
- 'Phumla ngoxolo, uya kukhumbula kakhulu.'
- 'Kwinkumbulo yothando, wanga ungafumana ukuphumla okungunaphakade.'
- 'Umkile kodwa ungaze ulityalwe, wanga ungaphumla ngoxolo.'
- 'Ndikunqwenelela uhambo olunoxolo oluya kubomi basemva kokufa.'
- 'Ngamana umphefumlo wakho ungafumana intuthuzelo nokuphumla ezingalweni zobuthixo.'
- 'Ngamana ungafumana inzolo engunaphakade eluthandweni lwezulu.'
- 'Phumla, ilifa lakho liya kuhlala lihleli ezintliziyweni zethu.'
- 'Ngamana iinkumbulo zobubele nothando lwakho zingakuzisela uxolo olungunaphakade.'
- 'Ngamana umoya wakho unganyuka kwiindawo zoxolo nezolileyo.'
La mazwi anokusetyenziswa kumakhadi ovelwano okanye kwimiyalezo enikela intuthuzelo nenkxaso kwabo basentlungwini yokufelwa. Zisebenza njengesikhumbuzo sempembelelo ehlala ihleli umntu ongasekhoyo awayenayo kubomi babanye kunye nethemba loxolo olungunaphakade kubomi basemva kokufa.
Uvalelisa njani uphumle ngoxolo?
Xa sisithi ndlela-ntle kumntu oswelekileyo, ngokufuthi sisebenzisa ibinzana elithi ‘ukuphumla ngoxolo’ njengendlela yokuvakalisa ithemba esinalo lokuphumla nokuzola ngonaphakade. Ukuvalelisa ngokuphumla ngoxolo kunokuba ngamava anzulu obuqu kunye neemvakalelo, njengoko sizama ukufumana amagama afanelekileyo okuhlonipha nokukhumbula abo sibathandayo.
Nangona kungekho ndlela ilungileyo yokuvalelisa ekuphumleni ngoxolo, nazi iingcebiso ezimbalwa:
izinja zifikelela nini kubungakanani obupheleleyo
1. Hamba kakuhle, sihlobo esithandekayo. Njengoko sisithi ndlela-ntle yethu yokugqibela, sikhumbula iinkumbulo esabelana ngazo kunye nefuthe onalo ebomini bethu. Wanga ungafumana uxolo lwanaphakade elugcinweni lobuthixo.
2. Phumla ngoxolo zintanda. Ubukho bakho buya kukhunjulwa kakhulu, kodwa siyathuthuzeleka kukwazi ukuba ngoku useluxolweni. Wanga umphefumlo wakho ungafumana ukuphumla kwanaphakade emazulwini phezulu.
3. Sala kakuhle, de sidibane kwakhona. Nangona sohlukana okwangoku, sibambelele ethembeni lokuba ngenye imini siya kuphinda simanyane. Ngamana uhambo lwakho oluya kubomi basemva kokufa lungazaliswa luzolo novuyo.
4. Kwinkumbulo yothando, sithi ndlela-ntle. Ilifa lakho lihlala ezintliziyweni zethu, kwaye siya kuhlala silixabisa ixesha esinalo sikunye. Wanga ungafumana uxolo olungunaphakade kummandla ongaphaya.
5. Phumla, sithandwa. Njengoko sisithi ndlela-ntle yokugqibela, siyakukhulula kwiintlungu zeli hlabathi. Wanga umoya wakho ungafumana ukuphumla kwanaphakade kunye nokuzola ezingalweni zobuthixo.
Khumbula ukuba, ukuthi ndlela-ntle ngokuphumla ngoxolo ngamava obuqu nawentliziyo. Khetha amagama ahambelana nawe kwaye abonise ubudlelwane obukhethekileyo owabelana nabo nomntu omthandayo. Wanga umphefumlo wabo ungafumana uxolo lwanaphakade kwaye ungafumana intuthuzelo kwinkumbulo yabo.
Sesiphi esona sicatshulwa sithuthuzelayo ngokufa?
Ukufa akusosiphelo; lilitye nje lokuchasa eliya ngonaphakade. Sisenokwahlulwa ngokwasemzimbeni, kodwa uthando neenkumbulo zethu ziya kuhlala zisezintliziyweni zethu ngonaphakade.
Nangona sibuhlungu ngenxa yokufelwa ngabantu esibathandayo, sinokuthuthuzeleka kukwazi ukuba baseluxolweni yaye akukho ntlungu okanye ukubandezeleka. Umoya wabo uhlala uhleli, uyasikhokela kwaye usijongile, usinika intuthuzelo namandla ngamaxesha ethu obunzima.
Ukufa akusosiphelo, kodwa kukutshintshela kwisiqalo esitsha. Sisikhumbuzo sokuba ubomi bubuthathaka kwaye buxabisekile, kwaye kufuneka siwuxabise umzuzu ngamnye kwaye silisebenzise kangangoko ixesha lethu apha emhlabeni.
Ngoxa sisenokuba buhlungu yaye sivakalelwa kukuba silahlekelwe bubunzima, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba ukufa yinxalenye yendalo yobomi. Luhambo ekufuneka siluthabathe sonke, kwaye ekwamkeleni oku, sinokufumana uxolo nentuthuzelo kulwazi lokuba abo sibathandayo bakwindawo engcono.
Ke, masingoyiki ukufa, kodwa sikwamkele njengenxalenye yobukho bethu. Masibhiyozele ubomi babo siphulukene nabo kwaye sihloniphe inkumbulo yabo ngokuphila ubomi bethu ngokupheleleyo, ngothando, ububele kunye nombulelo.
Izahlulo ezinoxolo: Uvelwano kunye neNtuthuzelo kwiiNcaphulo
Xa sifelwa ngumntu esimthandayo, kusenokuvakala ngathi ihlabathi alisekho. Kungala maxesha entlungu neentlungu apho sisoloko sibhenela kumazwi entuthuzelo nawothuthuzele. Iingcaphuno zinendlela eyodwa yokubamba undoqo weemvakalelo zethu kunye nokubonelela ngoxolo ngamaxesha anzima.
Imiyalezo yovelwano kunye novelwano inokunika inkxaso kunye nentuthuzelo kwabo basentlungwini. Zisisikhumbuzo sokuba asisodwa kwiintlungu zethu yaye kukho abanye abayiqondayo nababe nesabelo kwintlungu yethu. Nazi ezinye izicatshulwa ezinikezela ngovelwano kunye nentuthuzelo ngamaxesha elahleko:
'Ngamana uthando neenkumbulo enabelana ngazo zingakuthuthuzela ngeli xesha lokulahlekelwa. Uvelwano lwam olunzulu.'
'Nangona kungekho mazwi anokuyithomalalisa intlungu yokufelwa ngumntu omthandayo, yazi ukuba usezingqondweni nasemthandazweni. Ndiyaninika amandla nentuthuzelo ngeli xesha linzima.'
'Intlungu lixabiso esilihlawulayo ngenxa yothando. Ngamana ungathuthuzeleka kukwazi ukuba lowo ubumthanda ngokunzulu yaye uya kumkhumbula ngonaphakade.'
'Ndiyaxolisa kakhulu ngokulahlekelwa kwakho. Ngamana iinkumbulo zomntu omthandayo zingakuzisela uxolo nentuthuzelo kwiintsuku ezizayo.'
'Ngeli xesha losizi, ngamana unokufumana intuthuzelo kuthando nenkxaso yabo bakungqongileyo. Wena usezingqondweni nasemthandazweni.'
Ezi zicatshulwa kunye namazwi ovelwano anokusebenza njengomthombo wentuthuzelo nokomeleza kwabo basentlungwini. Ziyasikhumbuza ukuba nakwezo ntlungu zinzulu, lusekho uthando nenkxaso. Kungezo zahlulo zoxolo apho sinokufumana intuthuzelo kunye nempiliso kuhambo lwethu lwentlungu.
Ngowuphi owona mgca wovelwano?
Xa uthuthuzela, kubalulekile ukukhetha amagama afanelekileyo okubonakalisa uvelwano nenkxaso yakho. Nangona ungekho umgca 'ongcono' wovelwano, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukudlulisa amazwi ovelwano asuka entliziyweni kwaye ubonise ukuba ukho ngenxa yaloo mntu usentlungwini.
Eminye imigca enokwenzeka yovelwano ibandakanya:
'Ndibuhlungu kakhulu ngelahleko yakho.'
'Intliziyo yam inovelwano ngawe nentsapho yakho ngeli xesha linzima.'
'Ndicela wamkele uvelwano lwam olungazenzisiyo.'
'Amazwi awanakuchaza indlela endizisola ngayo ngokulahlekelwa kwakho.'
'Ngamana iinkumbulo ezimnandi zomntu omthandayo zingakuthuthuzela ngeli xesha.'
'Ukwiingcinga nemithandazo yam.'
'Ndilapha ngenxa yakho, nceda ungathandabuzi ukufikelela xa kukho into oyifunayo.'
'Ukuthumela uthando namandla njengoko uhamba ngeli xesha linzima.'
'Andiyicingi ukuba inokuba nzima kangakanani le nto kuwe, kodwa ndicela wazi ukuba ndilapha ukuze ndikuxhase.'
Khumbula, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukunyaniseka kwaye unikele inkxaso yakho ngayo nayiphi na indlela ovakalelwa kukuba ilungile kuwe nakuloo mntu usentlungwini.
Zeziphi ezona ingcaphuno ezilungileyo zokuthuthuzela ngokufa?
Xa sifelwa ngumntu esimthandayo, kunokuba nzima gqitha ukuthuthuzeleka xa ujamelene nokufa. Nangona kunjalo, kukho iingcaphuno ezininzi ezinikeza induduzo kwaye zisikhumbuza ukuba abathandekayo bethu banokuhamba, kodwa abayi kulibaleka. Nazi ezinye zeengcaphuno ezilungileyo zokuthuthuzela ngokufa:
'Abo sibathandayo abahambi, bahamba ecaleni kwethu yonke imihla. Ayibonwa, ayiviwa, kodwa isoloko ikufuphi, isathandwa, isakhunjulwa, kwaye ndiyithanda kakhulu.' -Ongaziwayo
'Into ebesikhe sayonwabela asinakuze siphulukane nayo. Yonke into esiyithanda ngokunzulu iba yinxalenye yethu.' - uHelen Keller
'Intlungu lixabiso esilihlawulayo ngenxa yothando.' - UKumkanikazi uElizabeth II
'Mhlawumbi ayizonkwenkwezi, kodwa zivuleke ezulwini apho uthando lwabalahlekileyo luthululela khona kwaye lukhanyise phezu kwethu ukusazisa ukuba bonwabile.' - Isaci se-Eskimo
'Abo sibathandayo nabalahlekelwayo bahlala bexhunywe ngeentliziyo ezingapheliyo.' -Terri Guillemets
'Musa ukukhala kuba kuphelile, ncuma kuba kwenzekile.' - UGqr Seuss
'Ukufa akukucimi ukukhanya; isibane sodwa siyasicima, ngokuba kusile. - Rabindranath Tagore
'Ukuphila ezintliziyweni esizishiya ngasemva akuthethi kufa.' -UThomas Campbell
'Ukufa akuyiyo eyona lahleko inkulu ebomini. Eyona lahleko inkulu kukufa ngaphakathi kuthi ngoxa sisaphila.' - Norman Cousins
'Xa umntu omthandayo esiba yinkumbulo, inkumbulo iba bubutyebi.' -Akwaziwa
Ezi ngcaphulo zisikhumbuza ukuba nangona ukufa kuzisa usizi olungathethekiyo, uthando neenkumbulo esabelana ngazo nabo sibathandayo ziya kuqhubeka zisithuthuzela yaye zisenza sonwabe. Basebenza njengesikhumbuzo sokuba ukufa ayisosiphelo, kodwa kukuqhubela phambili kothando kunye noqhagamshelwano esabelana ngalo nabo bangasekhoyo.
Ngowuphi owona myalezo wovelwano umfutshane?
Xa kufikelelwa kumba wokuthuthuzela umntu ophulukene nesithandwa sakhe, kunokuba nzima ukufumana amazwi afanelekileyo. Umyalezo omfutshane nosuka entliziyweni unokunikela intuthuzelo kunye nenkxaso ngexesha lobunzima. Nantsi imizekelo embalwa yeyona miyalezo yovelwano ingcono enentsingiselo emfutshane kodwa enentsingiselo:
iikhompyuter zasimahla kwiintsapho ezinengeniso ephantsi 2020
1. 'Ndiyaxolisa kakhulu ngokulahlekelwa kwakho. Ngamana [igama] lingaphumla ngoxolo yaye ngamana ningafumana amandla nentuthuzelo kwiinkumbulo enaninazo.’
2. 'Ndithumela uvelwano lwam olukhulu kuwe nakusapho lwakho. Ngamana ungafumana uxolo nentuthuzelo ngeli xesha lentlungu.'
3. 'Amagama awanakuchaza indlela endibuhlungu ngayo ngokulahlekelwa kwakho. Nceda wazi ukuba usezingqondweni nasemithandazweni yam.'
4. 'Nceda wamkele uvelwano lwam olusuk' entliziyweni. [Igama] baya kukhunjulwa kakhulu, kodwa inkumbulo yabo iya kuhlala ngonaphakade.'
5 'Ndilapha ngenxa yakho ngeli xesha linzima. Ndicela undazise xa kukho into endinokuyenza ukukuxhasa.'
Khumbula, oyena myalezo wovelwano ngulowo usuka entliziyweni. Kubalulekile ukuba ube yinyani kwaye unyaniseke kumazwi akho, unike inkxaso kunye novelwano kumntu osentlungwini okanye kusapho. Kwanomyalezo omfutshane unokuba nempembelelo enzulu kwaye unikele intuthuzelo ngexesha lokulahlekelwa.
Umbuzo kunye nempendulo:
Zeziphi ezinye izicaphulo ezidumileyo zokuphumla eluxolweni?
Ezinye izicatshulwa ezidumileyo zokuphumla ngoxolo ziquka 'Phumla ngoxolo, mhlobo wam. Siza kukukhumbula kakhulu' yaye 'Uhambile kodwa ungaze usilibale. Lala ngoxolo.'
Ungandinika ukuphumla okuthuthuzelayo kucaphulo loxolo?
Kanjalo! Nazi izicatshulwa ezimbalwa ezithuthuzelayo zokuphumla eluxolweni: 'Ngamana umphefumlo wakho ungafumana uxolo noxolo kubomi basemva kokufa' kwaye 'Nangona umkile, inkumbulo yakho iya kuhlala ngonaphakade ezintliziyweni zethu.'
Ngaba unayo nayiphi na inkolo yokuphumla ekucaphuleni uxolo?
Ewe, nazi izicatshulwa ezimbalwa ezingokonqulo zokuphumla ngoxolo: ‘Ngamana ukukhanya kukaThixo okungunaphakade kukhanye phezu kwakho’ nokuthi ‘Ngamana ungafumana ukuphumla okungunaphakade ezingalweni zeNkosi.
Zeziphi ezinye izicaphulo zokuphumla zoxolo zomntu omthandayo?
Kumntu omthandayo, ungasebenzisa izicatshulwa ezifana 'Unokuba uhambile, kodwa awusoze ulibaleke. Phumla ngoxolo, sithandwa sam, kwaye 'Ezintliziyweni zethu, uya kuhlala uhleli. Phumla ngoxolo zintanda.
Ngaba ungacebisa ukuphumla ngoxolo izicaphulo zomhlobo?
Kumhlobo, ungasebenzisa izicatshulwa ezifana 'Uzise uvuyo oluninzi ebomini bethu. Phumla ngoxolo, sihlobo sam esithandekayo’ yaye ‘Uya kuhlala ukhunjulwa njengomhlobo wokwenene. Lala ngoxolo.'
